Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
