Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
