I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
