the new term for farting is butt boxing.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So vagazzling was a success
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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