Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm at about main and main street
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This toilet bowl is my home.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize