you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize