My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
