She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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