please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
