When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
