i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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