I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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