sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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