do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
