you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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