I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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