ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
