I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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