wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Randomize
