i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
