I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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