I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
