The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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