You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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