dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
