im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
