Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
