I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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