If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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