He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
