note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
