I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
