Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
