He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
