I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
