He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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