mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
