If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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