I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
