I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
