Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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