I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
