dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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