was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
