you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
