Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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