You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
false alarm. still invincible.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
