I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
