my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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