break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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