literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
