The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
