There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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