Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just want nice things and good sex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
