I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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