You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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