pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk is not a location!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
