dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
