I will die if light touches me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
