sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We were destined to go to rehab together
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
