Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
