Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
