It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
