My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
