I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
