My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
