i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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