their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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