it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
