my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
