the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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