McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize