I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
